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Random Rants

November 9, 2006

Ranting Face

Why is Southwest never on time? I have spent more time in airports
waiting for those darn planes to grace that particular airport with
it’s presence this year than any other airline I have traveled
on…except, wait, SWA IS the only airline I travel on…hmmm

Why is it that no matter how careful you are when you get your
haircut, those following hours afterwards, there are those annoying
hairs that manage to find that part of your back that you can’t quite
reach, and insist on incessantly poke you until you feel you are going
mad? URGH!

Why is it that no matter how carefully you handwash/dry your vehicle,
there is always that ONE spot you managed to miss, and THAT spot is
the one you focus on until your car either gets dirty enough to cover
the spot (usually the case for me), or you just take it somewhere to
have it washed, yet again, so that you don’t have to focus on that one
spot.

Why is it that in any concert I have gone to this year, THE TALLEST
people always manage to stand or sit directly in front of me? Ben
Harper: I swear I had NEVER seen people that tall in my life…I am
talking two of me, head to toe! They should have been in the NBA or
volleyball, or ANYWHERE but in front of me! Godsmack: Just a constant
flow of tall males, and the most annoyingly pitched screaming voice
next to me. Big and Rich: Cowboy hats…’nuff said.

Why is it just when you think you have fixed that one squeaking
problem on your vehicle, another one pops up to replace it. I mean,
heaven forbid I should be allowed at least a week before I have to
think of what in St. Pete’s name could be making that high pitched
screeching! Arg…and then,
Why is it when you take your truck in for a routine $23 oil change
(even made it BEFORE the 3000mi/3mo mark this time), it turns into a
$700 maintenance bill? Do all the little gadgets just start leaking
or fly off when I am not looking, just to spite me?! Bastards.

Why is it the only thing I have managed to master in the cook arena
are chocolate chip cookies and Sherry Wine Cake? Oh yeah, because they
are yummy and fattening…Mmmm!

Are there any hobbies out there that AREN’T expensive? I mean,
really, people always say, “Well, that is an expensive hobby.” I
think if you look up `hobby’ in the dictionary it will have a mirror
and say, “Sucker!! You are about to drop loads o’ cash into something
you know nothing about, and slap the title `a fun hobby’ on to it!!”

Why is it that the day you decide to leave a couple minutes early so
you can get to work at a leisurely pace, there is a huge accident that
makes you 20 minutes late (when you would have been 10 minutes early,
enough time to go grab a coffee). And dear lord people, rubbernecking
should be made illegal! Carry a passenger if it is really that
important, and make them give you the run down. But for crying out
loud, keep your eyes on the road!

If you are going down a street that has all the arrows pointing AT
you, not AWAY from you…you just maybe going down the wrong
direction…just a guess.

Does anyone else know what a regatta is? Because I just recently
learned that a Regatta team, and a crew team are the same thing, at
least in my mind. I stopped to ask a woman this weekend why she was
wearing a florescent orange shirt that said regatta on the back of it,
and she simply stated, `because we are monitoring the regatta teams,’
and then proceeded to stare at me like this should have some effect on
me, other than the blank stare that was given to her by me. Huh,
sooo…what exactly is a Regatta. She just stared at me like I was the
most moronic person to walk the face of the earth, and then motioned
to the team of college kids smoothly skimming along the waters in
front of me. Oh, that. Right. Well, you have to learn something new
everyday, right?

What exactly is it about smoking that is appealing, but as of yet, I
am still at a loss. I have NEVER, let me repeat that, NEVER smoked a
cigarette in my life, and never plan too, but I just don’t see the
appeal that others seem to see. Am I blind, or lucky?

Why do people talk to you more slowly when your title includes the
word, receptionist? I love how even the most mundane tasks are broken
down into baby steps for me, you know, just incase I can’t figure out
how to stuff a piece of paper into an envelope. I mean, it only has
one opening, but hey, I may not be able to figure it out. At first it
really bothered me (and still does from time to time), but now I just
turn it into a game (that I play with myself). Ah, the workforce.

And, seriously—why does it always rain the day after you wash your
car? How does the climate know? And where is Murphy? There are
times I would just love to shove his laws…well, elsewhere.

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